An Endless Nightmare
by natzoohmigosh
Summary: He had been lived in misery and darkness. Nobody seemed to like him, his own family abandoned him, even he almost hated himself. Until she came ..... Severus/Lily
1. more than solitude

An Endless Nightmare

Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters and the universe belong to J.K.Rowling. The plot belongs to Sammael Sin. I own nothing.

Chapter One

More Than Solitude

It was a sunny afternoon in a suburb of England. A little boy has just awakened on long bench in a small church. He slowly used his long, frail arms to help himself into a sitting position. His eyelids reluctantly opened, his two black, bloodshot eyes obvious said that he had been crying ceaselessly all day. His gaze fell hopelessly at the cross as he began to kneel, saying the same prayer again and again...

As it was getting dark, he stood up, moving his weak, sore and swollen body beneath the baggy clothes back to Spinner's End.

Severus Snape was an 11-year-old boy. He was very small and skinny, a bit too small for a boy at his age, a look that resembled a malnourished child muggles have on telly asking for charity but with an overgrowth head. He always looked pale like a patient on a fatal disease. He wore shoes 3 sizes too big for his feet and old clothes from his father.

Overall, this vision seemed to be made for people to mock him as an extra-terrestrial, and not encouraged anyone to be too friendly with him.

… pathetic … needless to say …

* * *

"You're home, Sevie?" the voice was deep and toneless. But as he saw the smiling face of the voice's owner, Severus jumped into the house and received a tight hug from Eileen Prince Snape, his mother.

"Mom.. please tell me that you have lied to me this morning."

"You know I never lie, my dear, even a lie to make you feel better."

Severus pulled himself off the embrace, his black eyes shone a greatly hurtful feeling, a croaked voice spoken out of his thin lips.

"Why.."

"Because I was.. I am… an evil woman. I didn't marry your father because of love. I married him…for the person I love."

"What about me? Do you love me as much as you love… _her_?"

"Do you know, sweetheart.." said Eileen tenderly, her black eyes were emotional, yet mysterious as a deep well. "I'd never dream of loving anybody more than I've loved _her_, until I knew I had you."

The same black eyes of the little boy widened.

"Yes, I agreed to marry your father merely for you, darling." said Eileen as her long, thin fingers caressed the sunken face of Severus softly. "And now.. it's time to make another sacrifice for another one I love the most."

"And what about me? What am I supposed to do without you?"

"Sevie, dear, you've still got Toby."

Severus stared at his feet silently.

"Don't you love your father, sweetheart?"

"I do. But he never loves me back, does he?"

"That's what he says, actually he really loves you.

If not, he might have run away already… he must have run away long ago."

* * *

Severus stayed awake up late that night, lying carelessly in his bed, smelling a faint, perished odour from the water nearby, pondering about the mysterious letter from today's morning.

It was a beautiful day. He woke up early to get the post as usual, but things were unusual that day when he noticed a letter addressed to him .. an ancient-looking letter as if from the medieval age.. still.. he felt strangely familiar to it. His shaking hands started to tear when a thought strucked him that it could be mistake, he normally received no post at all, and being all too scared of Tobias Snape, he went to his mother.

Eileen read the letter slowly twice before she got up and proposed a morning walk.

"Sevie, sweetheart" said Eileen softly under the clear blue sky "I want you to listen very carefully … I'm going to die, love."

It was like standing in front of God himself in the judgment day and being told that he had to live eternally in the most horrible hell. He stood stunned before his mother, crying loudly like a baby.

"Nooooo!!" his thin arms and fragile hands tried desperately to hold her tight, tears sprung out of his eyes. "No, you're lying, you're not dying … you're not going to die."

"I have to die and I am going to." said Eileen slowly but determinedly. "I need to save Freya's life."

"And who is this Freya?" asked Severus, "Why do you have to die for someone?"

"Freya was my lover, dear, it all happened before you were born."

Severus gave a jerk. Eileen continued.

"_She_ was a very special _girl_, my Freya. Since the first day we've met, I've always known I could die for her, the girl … the woman I'm so in love with."

"And you'll leave me and Dad? Don't you love him? Don't you love me?"

"I love you, Severus; I love you…so much. But it's another kind of love with Freya. I know I should feel this love with your father but I just can't. Freya is the one for me, like the only one for your father could only be Matthew _Evans_."

At that moment, it seemed like the world had shattered into pieces for Severus Snape. The next thing he knew, he was awaking at the church with extremely bloodshot eyes.

* * *

A loud veil has awakened him this time. He stomped out of his room and ran quietly downstairs; searching for the source of noise, pausing halfway down as he realized it was yet another fight of his parents.

"It's been years now! And you're still in touch with the wife of that bloody Potter?"

"Look who's talking…" Eileen retorted back. She looked so calm, unlike in other times. "You… you still love Evans too, don't you? It was first love. It's unforgettable for anyone, Tobias Snape."

Tobias felt his mind reeling rapidly as he recognized the pallid face looking back at him. The same frightened visage of his wife he had grown accustomed to .. has gone, it was the haughty, cold and emotionless expression he saw the first time he met her.

He could feel the pride of the Princes shine through her deep black eyes. Before he couldn't overpower her logically anymore, his strong hands grabbed her neck instinctively and his big arms held her lean body tight.

"No!! Dad!! Don't hurt mom!!"

Tobias Snape released his wife as he turned to his son grudgingly instead and punched him hard in the face, making Severus screamed and kneeled in pain.

Severus helped himself up absent-mindedly as blood made its way down his chin, wondering why Eileen who always protected him was still standing there quietly.

In a flash of light, he thought he glimpsed sadness and guilt in his father's green eyes above the crook nose, but had gone as fast as it came.

"I won't… ever let him go to that freak school."

"Severus is a true descendant of the Princes, he has every right to learn and control his power." said Eileen quietly, now she didn't look like Eileen as his wife at all. Her voice echoed powerfully in the small living room. "Tomorrow I will escort him to London. He needs stuffs for his new school."

"And I will never pay a pence for that place of bullshit." said Tobias angrily.

"I've got money and I don't need yours at all."

"What? You've been hiding my money around?"

"It's MY money!"

Severus stared crossly at both his parents, he had no clues to what was going on. Tobias, at last, resorted himself in the only mot-eaten sofa, turned his back from his son's bleeding face.

"Sod off…"

Severus did not dare move an inch, but that irritated his father even more.

"Just sod off!" yelled Tobias. "Why are you still here?! Stay away from me!!"

Tears suddenly welled-up in his midnight black eyes. He ran away, away from the painful truth.

… His family was breaking down …

… What should he do …?

… Oh, god .. What was he supposed to do …?

* * *

"Father! Father! Open up, please!"

The church gates were opened. There revealed a kind-looking priest, he was tall and thin, his silvery hair glowed by the moonlight, his silvery eyes stared bemusedly at the small figure.

"Severus? Oh, what happened to your face?" an anxious expression were shown in the silvery orbs, before turning to sympathy. "I see, it's Snape again, isn't it?"

His long fingers touched the bruises softly. The head covered with black, greasy hair nodded, then answered with a sob, tears suffused in his eyes.

"M-my dad .. he threw me out. H-he .. he hates me. H-he said he doesn't want to s-see me again."

The priest, being the boy's godfather, sighed, trying to console him.

"No, son. Tobias wasn't being truthful, I know it. When you were born, you see, he was … overjoyed."

"But he makes it hard to understand." said Severus tearfully.

"One day … you will understand."

* * *

How is it? Do you like it? Don't you like it? Please, please, PLEASE review!!

That's the only way how I know to improve…

A/N This fic was translated from 'My Wlord's Severus', a Harry Potter fanfic in Thailand written by Sammael Sin.

It was written shortly after HBP so there were some mistakes according to DH's Prince's Tale.

I hope you try to look past it and enjoy!! PLEASE!! I'm serious.

It's great for some people like me who can't get enough of the misery in Snape's life as the Prince's Tale is my favorite chapter. :)

Next chapter : we're meeting Lily at Diagon Alley, stay tuned!


	2. love at first sight

Disclaimer : The characters and the universe are JKR's. The plot is Sammael Sin's. I own nothing

Chapter Two

Love at First Sight

The Skinny boy found himself waking up in his bedroom next morning. Severus got up and went to the bathroom absent-mindedly.

It was all a dream…

No, it's not…

His black eyes widened in fright as he saw all the bruises. Traces of the past were still evident on his face, proving him of the event last night.

Right then, two soft hands caressed both his shoulders, a shining greet smile on her face, his mother looked so elegant than ever before.

"Let's brush our teeth. Come on, dear, 45 degree? Right."

Severus started brushing. Though he had such yellow teeth which were, well, _not very pleasant to look at_, good care at least cleansed and prevented breath smells. After his bath, Eileen lead him outside for a drive.

"Where are we going?"

"To London, love. To Diagon Alley, Gringotts Bank,-"

"Never heard of these names, mom… What are we doing there?"

"Prepare things for your new school, of course. It's a boarding school really, sweetheart, you'll get to stay there the whole semester until Christmas, all right?"

..

...

* * *

"Ah yes, here we are."

Getting off the car, he looked around suddenly but saw no banks nor any alleyways. At that moment, his mother grabbed his hand and pulled him inside a small, dusty and shabby looking bar no passersby seemed to take a notice…

No orders, no words, no questions, his mother went straight to the back and knocked on some brick confidently. No sooner than he could have said a word, his mouth opened in utter astonishment.

Right before him was not a plain brick wall any more, but it was an entrance to a town he thought could be in some lullabies. His overgrowth head turned to his mother with thousands of questions he couldn't make out which first.

"This is Diagon Alley, a wizarding market." Eileen gazed at her son, her black eyes were amazingly shining. "It's my world… your world… the world of all the witches and wizards."

"The wizarding world? But nobody has ever said you and me-…" Severus tried desperately to make a sentence, though failed, as his mother made their way to the bank. The boy was too shocked and amazed taking in the words to let his mind wandered by the scenes in Diagon Alley.

"You are … a witch? .. but I've never seen you do magic?!"

"The unbreakable vow."

"The unbre- … what is it?"

"It's a magical contract that bonds you eternally with the vow, so you can never break it, sweetheart. If you do, you die."

"… you die"

And instantly he recognized it.

"Mom, when you said you were .. going to die-."

There is a magic I've learnt from your grandmother -and I'm not teaching you so don't ask because I want you to live a long life-, I'm the only one to use it, I'll use it to help Freya." There, she looked at Severus longingly.

"Yes, I will use it … and die."

"Why…?" Why tears happened to be in his eyes again?

"Because of love, darling … love at first sight … and love ever after."

Her slender fingers wiped away his tears. "I know I was born for her the moment I've met her… And I will die for her … " She smiled faintly.

"Listen, sweetheart, even if this magic kills me not, the vow will anyway. And you … I will not lie to comfort you, Sevie, I know you will understand it some day, maybe when you meet someone you really love. In fact, death is a sleep after a very long day, it's just another great adventure, one of my professors told me."

..

...

"Here we are, love, Gringotts bank. Try to remember all the details, alright? You need to come here without me from now on, Sevie."

It didn't take long for Severus to remember what to do, and to find Diagon Alley the most interesting place he'd ever been. It was when he wandered in Flourish and Blotts -his absolute idea of heaven-, he saw pictures of his new school for the first time. Eileen smiled as she handed him the book 'Hogwarts:A History' ; she looked as if she knew in advance what was going to happen.

Severus himself could feel invisible sparks from it too, he looked at his mother questioningly.

"It was your school, wasn't it?"

"Yes, love, most of the witches and wizards in Britain go to Hogwarts. We have four houses; Grffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin. They were named after the co-founders."

"And you were in …"

"Slytherin. Your granfather too were in Slytherin." Said Eileen, then she stared intently at her son.

"All the Princes belong to Slytherin… Definitely, Severus, so do you."

* * *

"What about Freya?" The boy asked again as they were making their way out of Mr Ollivander's

"Gryffindor…" said Eileen, her eyes twinkling with shadows of the past. "She didn't get on very well with my dad either, you see, she was this naughty girl."

Severus felt a twinge of regret to have brought up the subject. '_..Her world is so full of Freya.. How about me?… Where am I in your world?…'_

However, his mind stopped abruptly as he saw a sudden change in her eyes. He then tried to turn around, to see whatever his mother was seeing.

A man, blonde hair and mora stone brown eyes, were standing with a boy at the same age as Severus.

Severus looked at the boy … He was tall, with dishevelled black hair, he had the same mora stone brown eyes and he wore round glasses.

The blonde man then spoke up.

"Say hello to Mrs Snape, James."

"Mrs Snape?..." repeated James loudly. "Could it be Eileen Snape?, the one you said to be mom's past lover?"

Severus's eyes widened, so this must be Freya Potter's son?!

Like Eileen could read his mind, she whispered "Yes, he looks like her."

"Well…" said Mr Potter quietly. "It's like we see Freya and you in the old times again, right? They clearly are you both in miniature."

"Oh, yes, that's true." Said Eileen, then gazed at her paler than ever son.

"Mr Potter, can I steal you a minute?"

"Right, definitely."

"Severus, dear, wait for me here, alright? I won't be long. We still need a pet, don't we?" she smiled consolingly, then left with the Potters.

Severus watched her walking away, then sit down tiredly at an empty bench. He wondered slightly why his mother didn't allow him to accompany her. Maybe she was afraid he couldn't admit whatever he was going to hear, well, that might be true.

However… he felt that James Potter didn't appear to be sympathetic and warm like his father. Could he ever know? … that Eileen Snape was going to die helping his mother.

He stared at his feet, waiting…

* * *

It was raining unstoppingly.

A lovely black kitten shivered lonely at a building corner. Severus felt its solitude coming towards him, and for the first time in his life, he thought he had found someone more vulnerable than him, someone he could offer protection.

At last, he couldn't stand watching it anymore, he ran into the rain. He embraced the kitten as soon as he reached it, gave it some warmth from his body and stared again at the falling rain.

Still waiting…

..

...

A while later, he felt that the rain had stopped falling on him, but as he looked around, he realized that a girl was holding an umbrella beside him.

She was beautiful… tall and slim, in a nice and healthy way. She had bright green eyes like his father, like the little kitten staring back at him.

"It's raining very hard, you see. You may catch a cold." Her voice was high-pitch but melodious. "Let's get inside."

When under a shelter, she pulled off her hooded cardigan and wrapped it around the kitten, there he saw …

… Red hair like his father … Green eyes like Tobias.

"Are you feeling all right?" she asked.

"Well, it's just .. your eyes and your hair match my dad's, so it's a bit weird actually… er .."

"Lily. My name is Lily. I've got my hair from dad and my eyes from mom." She smiled.

"You're going to Hogwarts too, don't you?"

"Yes,..right." said Severus,

Why did he felt so … _odd?_ …

"Good, you can return my shirt later then." Said Lily. "I need to go back now, take care."

"Wait."

"Well?"

"The kitten, you helped it too ... I mean,.. you can name it if you like."

"Oh, I'd love to. He's so handsome here.." She cuddled it lovingly, making her mind.

"Harry. His name's Harry."

Severus watch her running away unconsciously, not registering Eileen who had come back already. She called him softly. He almost jerked.

"Oh. Mom, it's you. Look at this, I've got a pet now."

Eileen first looked at her boy, then at the running away girl, then at the kitten, and nodded knowingly.

"You know what, Sevie? … I suppose you've just experienced a love at first sight."

"Love at- …" his pale cheeks couldn't help blushing unwillingly.

"Yes .. love at first sight, dangerous yet powerful." Eileen hugged her son. "There you'll be able to live without me after all."

A couple of tears fell down his face again … when he thought of what's going to happen.

… from now on … he needed to live without his mother …

Could he really survive? …

Love at first sight was sweet …

But if it came with losing his precious mother, he would not give… he still would not … understand.

A/N : I want to thank all my reviewers --you're my only real motivation to continue--

so _PLEASE_ REVIEW ; just say ..good ..bad ..nothing special -- _Anything_!!

A word to let me know you've read and you've an opinion, .. _Please?_

coming up: we're going to Hogwarts, that would be fun!

:D


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